Business Week #52 - Not meant to be a writer

If you wanna make your dreams come true you just need to start acting, right? So why is it so difficult, after all?

Somewhere deep in my heart, I want to be a writer. This is my kinda dream since I was 19 and I was preparing myself for final exams. The thing is that I always felt too incompetent to start writing. Although, according to my family & friends, my vocabulary and language and the way I write prove that I am a good writer I've always felt the barrier. 21 years later I still feel barrier. It's stupid, but for me writing something is like setting in stone the opinion and my desire to write perfect things makes it sooo difficult to define a perfect and fulfilling final opinion I would be proud of.

To be honest, one of the reasons I started this blog without informing anyone is to write something and publish anonymously (at least a bit, anyone can check who am I but first of all you need to find this webpage, right?).

After a year of publishing posts twice a week here I still don't feel good writing anything publicly. This is potentially a reason why I procrastinate publishing new posts anywhere outside my safe place here.

I believe that the other thing that supports procrastination is the lack of time & priority. Yes, that's the thing. To be honest I prefer to do something rather than write something. I prefer to train or play chess, code something, do physical exercises.

Do I want to be a writer? Yes.

Do I actually want to be a writer? I think so.

Why do I want to be a writer? Hmm, to prove I am capable of writing something, to be considered as smart one, to leave something once I'm gone...

What is more important? Internal desire to leave something or external desire to be considered as smart? I have no idea, sadly...

What about money? `I don't care about the money from writing. But I do care about money after all so maybe this is why writing is a low priority?'

Am I afraid of criticism that will smash my desire to be considered as smart? Sadly, definitely.

What could ease those worries? Higher self-confidence.

What is the source of higher self-confidence for me? Reaching financial level from work proving me being smart.

Is it easy? Definitely not.

Is it achievable? `Let's hope so!'

So, what now? I have to start with building high self-confidence!

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Plan for week #53

Let's try with no plans for this week and see what happens during next 7 days...